I was technically raised Catholic, but in all reality I was not introduced to many of the traditions of the Catholic faith as a child. My mom really did try, but she was not raised Catholic and probably did not know many of them herself. This was pre-internet and I cannot imagine trying to figure something out sans Google. Due to my religious (or lack of religious) upbringing, the Catholic faith was always a giant mystery to me. Mass was filled with people standing and kneeling, bowing at odd times, and a whole bunch of words that I did not know. I wanted so badly to be a part of it that I would listen and watch carefully to try to figure out the secret behind it. How did all of these people know the exact same words and actions?
My religious education, sadly, did not help out. I tried to learn on my own. I distinctly remember deciding to teach myself how to pray a rosary by writing out all of the prayers on construction paper and drawing a diagram of a rosary with arrows pointing to each bead labeling what prayer to say when. I was so proud and would pray the rosary whenever I remembered, happy to be a part of a tradition that was so distinctly Catholic. The rosary, in my mind, made me part of the "in crowd."
Flash forward to about six months ago. A dear friend of mine was concerned that I was way too stressed out and not making God as much of a priority as I normally would. He decided that we would meet up on Saturday morning, pray morning prayer together, and then have coffee. We ended up praying a rosary together and I got quite the shock. I had no idea what was going on. Surprise, surprise: I somehow taught myself the wrong way to pray a rosary. There were words coming out of his mouth that I had absolutely never heard before, and I was mortified. I thought I was finally at that point in my faith journey where there were not going to be surprises anymore. I thought I finally knew enough about the Catholic religion that my days of embarrassment over being the only person who did not know the words were over. All of the insecurity came back in a flash, and I have been hiding from the rosary since. Luckily, my friend has been too kind to say anything. I know he would help me if I asked, but I just could not. I mean, I make rosaries, how could I admit I did not know how to pray one???
Instead, I Googled. That is what millenials do. I was too scared to try it for a long time, but I want to say that today, about one week before Lent begins, at the age of 27, I prayed my first rosary! I finally know that there are mysteries and that those mysteries are said on different days. Can I pray it without the assistance of the internet? No way. And that is ok.
God does not expect us to be perfect right off the bat. All of us are weak in something, but he gives us the ability to figure it out. Sometimes we need to rely on others to strengthen us like I relied on my friend, and sometimes He guides us in figuring it out on our own.
This Lenten season, I want to focus more on the rosary. It is a new way for me to experience my faith, and that is what Lent is about. Every day, I want to challenge myself to pray for someone different and praying using the rosary will help me be even more mindful while praying. Lent (finishing with Easter) is my favorite time of the year, and I'm excited to be trying something new during this season.
I challenge you to find that thing you have been hiding from and focus on that. Maybe it's going to confession, maybe it's making it to mass, or daily mass, or praying the Liturgy of the Hours. Find something within the faith that intimidates you a little bit and try it! See what a difference 40 days can make.
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