Knocked On My Butt

Sometimes, my life feels very extreme.  I do so well for a while, and something awful comes along.  I spent Sunday with the Cardinal (and by "with" I mean far away from, except for when he let us take a picture with him.)  Our Confirmation students received the sacrament of Confirmation, including the beautiful young woman I sponsored.  It was a joyous occasion, culminating with my sponsee (is that a word?) asking how she could get involved with Eucharistic Ministry!

I had already known that this week would be extremely busy, and I had prepared for it.  I had all of my grades completed, and a whole bunch of stuff turned in before the deadline.  I set up mass and coffee, as well as a Holy Hour, with different friends so that I would be prepared for my students to take their state test on Wednesday.  I knew that I would not sleep, so I did as much as I could ahead of time so that being brain dead would not slow me down as much.  I thought I was preparing for my own busy life, but really God was preparing me for something that would stop me in my tracks.

One of my Confirmation students relapsed.  He had brain cancer last year, but had gone into remission.  It's back, cannot be operated on, and is also resistant to chemotherapy.  When he texted me the news, I started crying in the middle of class.  It has been on and off crying since then.

I know that God has a plan, but that does not mean it does not hurt or make me sad or make me angry.  My immediate response was, "it's not fair."  Fair does not matter, though.  I have no idea what God's plan for this young man is, but I do know that he will face it with far more courage than I ever could.  Today, I challenged myself to recognize where God was holding me up.  He held me up through my students, who immediately rushed to my side when they saw me crying.  He held me up through my coworkers, who hugged me and told me to take a break if I needed to.  He held me up through mass with a friend, set up way before I knew what today would hold.  He offered me solace in Adoration so that I could end my day well.  As much as He challenged me today, he lifted me up way more.

Maybe there will be a miracle, maybe there won't.  After mass and Adoration, I'm ok with either.  For now.